I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this is an emotional support booty call
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
