I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
