my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
