So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize