I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Randomize
