Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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