He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
