dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
