i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
