I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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