Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
