she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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