I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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