you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
