I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize