The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
They took my balls.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
