Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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