Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
