god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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