Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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