this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
