this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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