ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
bring money and cleavage
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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