He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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