Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
We left the knife in your bed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
