I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
