so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
