Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
