You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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