What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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