my phone needs a breathalizer
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
