if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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