bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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