i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
