Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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