This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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