Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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