I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
