put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
try to milk me bitch
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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