Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize