just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i believe in u and ur pee
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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