In America we eat man semen.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
