just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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