I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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