I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
