Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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