I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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