Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
