I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
She is in my trunk
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I party with great urgency now.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
