so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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