I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
