we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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