I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
