He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
