Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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