I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
