Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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