He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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