I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
