If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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