its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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