I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I smell like Dick and happiness
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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