I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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