It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
