so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Randomize
