I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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