She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
