I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
