New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
