i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
