is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
