No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
i've created a new STD.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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