Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize