Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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