I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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