why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
