I should be sponsored by Trojan
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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