my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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