I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
